God laughs:

Charlton Heston, reading Michael Crichton:

You think man can destroy the planet? What intoxicating vanity! Let me tell you about our planet. Earth is four-and-a-half-billion-years-old. There’s been life on it for nearly that long, 3.8 billion years. Bacteria first; later the first multicellular life, then the first complex creatures in the sea, on the land. Then finally the great sweeping ages of animals, the amphibians, the dinosaurs, at last the mammals, each one enduring millions on millions of years, great dynasties of creatures rising, flourishing, dying away — all this against a background of continuous and violent upheaval. Mountain ranges thrust up, eroded away, cometary impacts, volcano eruptions, oceans rising and falling, whole continents moving, an endless, constant, violent change, colliding, buckling to make mountains over millions of years. Earth has survived everything in its time.

It will certainly survive us. If all the nuclear weapons in the world went off at once and all the plants, all the animals died and the earth was sizzling hot for a hundred thousand years, life would survive, somewhere: under the soil, frozen in arctic ice. Sooner or later, when the planet was no longer inhospitable, life would spread again. The evolutionary process would begin again. Might take a few billion years for life to regain its present variety. Of course, it would be very different from what it is now, but the earth would survive our folly, only we would not. If the ozone layer gets thinner, ultraviolet radiation sears earth, so what? Ultraviolet radiation is good for life. It’s powerful energy. It promotes mutation, change. Many forms of life will thrive with more UV radiation. Many others will die out. You think this is the first time that’s happened? Think about oxygen. Necessary for life now, but oxygen is actually a metabolic poison, a corrosive gas, like fluorine.
When oxygen was first produced as a waste product by certain plant cells some three billion years ago, it created a crisis for all other life on earth. Those plants were polluting the environment, exhaling a lethal gas. Earth eventually had an atmosphere incompatible with life. Nevertheless, life on earth took care of itself. In the thinking of the human being a hundred years is a long time. Hundred years ago we didn’t have cars, airplanes, computers or vaccines. It was a whole different world, but to the earth, a hundred years is nothing. A million years is nothing. This planet lives and breathes on a much vaster scale. We can’t imagine its slow and powerful rhythms, and we haven’t got the humility to try. We’ve been residents here for the blink of an eye. If we’re gone tomorrow, the earth will not miss us.

THE HOWS AND WHYS OF HOW AND WHY I DROVE TO MINNETONKA, MINNESOTA TO BUY A LIGHT TUNDRA GREEN METALLIC 2003 FORD FOCUS SE…

I like to write.  I like to drive.  I like to travel and I like to buy cars!  The car, among other things, is long gone.  But it was a good time…

November, in the year of our Lord 2003. I had just bought wifey a red 2003 Ford Windstar (our second), hot offa the showroom floor with only 79 miles on the clock. Just three days later, it got recalled for rear seat anchors and McMullen Ford in Council Bluffs, Iowa loaned us a Focus ZTW while repairs were effected.

Nice car. Loved the hard suspension, the acceleration was more than what I needed, cute styling, and the thing went through gas like Lara Flynn Boyle goes through Steak ‘n Shake(!)  Wifey says that she could drive a car like this from time to time, when she tired momentarily of her minivan…

A week later, I turned my 1991 Tempo into U-Pull-It Auto Recyclers. It was a good car, albeit boring. (Boring means inexpensive, and it was that…)  Now our driveway held two Windstars that got anywhere between 16-21 mpg and I sure as heck didn’t need two big-(g)a$$ guzzlers.

I had snagged a Focus brochure at McMullen and I was unimpressed with the color swatches, too small and all.  One thing I was sure of was that I didn’t need another red car with one in the driveway already. The old Windstar was silver and I was ambivalent about another car the same color.   I won’t let my wife wear beige bras, and I won’t drive a beige car! The blues were…okay…

A 35 MPH drag race…

New Year’s Eve. Alex Lifeson is getting arrested for a butt load of alcohol-related offences in Florida, meanwhile I’m spending my December 31st in Olathe, Kansas semi-clean and 100%-sober looking for Joe’s Crab Shack.

Bumper-to-bumper on 135th Street, I catch up to a Focus. Wifey: “Hey, that’s the green!”  Damned if it doesn’t look good—in the reflection of headlights and streetlights. We parallel some poor girl for three miles and 10 lights and we can’t find anything to contradict our original opinion—but it was night and all…

Next morning, we wander into Olathe Ford and find another Tundra Focus in their back lot. While it was a stick and they were closed (!) the green looked good in the daylight, too…

Put your message in a modem…

Well, Autotrader.com was still in my browser cache from my Windstar search, for crying out loud…One thing about living in Nebraska, you can find any car you want, as long as it’s red!  Couldn’t find a green one anywhere in Omaha.  There was a Ford lot in Kansas City that specialized in program cars, but green ones there flew off the lot. One weekend, there were four in the KC metro, within five days they were all gone.

Out of town?  It’d have to be in a city where I could get cheap one-way airfare, where the lot was close to the airport, and where there weren’t any relatives—I was expecting a white-knuckle, get-it-done-in-a-weekend-and-get-back-home deal.  A lot in Chicago would sell me one with 24k mi. for 9000 USD, but that was too many miles and it sold. Wasn’t too disappointed…Same deal in Little Rock.

Within a day’s drive? Places in Salina, Kansas and Sioux Falls, South Dakota that advertised themselves as Ford superstores had plenty of white/gold/tan/silver Foci. Yawn. Another thing was the fact that I absolutely had to have ABS. Three snowstorms in two weeks gave me 27 inches and that was enough to reinforce my insistence on ABS.  Hardly any Foci came with it!  Ford lots in Great Bend and Topeka, Kansas had greenies but didn’t bother to answer my e-mails.

What to do? When I get to this point, I decide not to decide and invariably things make themselves clear.  Sent one last e-mail to Morrie’s Minnetonka Ford, who had just popped one up, and turned my back on the whole deal.

Yeah. You know what happened…Melissa from Morrie’s found a green/ABS/auto/power everything, and came up with financing in a jiffy.  She was a terrier with her e-mails so wifey and I said: Let’s Do This.

Mama’s got a squeeze box…

Sequestered the kids, overdosed on Applebee’s (kids on the cell phone: “Where are you?” “Applebee’s” (Didn’t tell them Applebee’s in Albert Lea, Minnesota…!), drove like mad to Minneapolis with The Who By Numbers on the CD player, defiled a Marriott, tried out Caribou Coffee, went to Target for souvenirs.

In and out of Morrie’s in the span of 90 minutes. Took the dealership tour, (“This is our service area, which you’ll never use…”). Melissa plied us with a gross of Morrie’s keychains for the kiddies, a car warsh and a tank o’ petrol.

Hit the Big Dog outlet mall for more payola for the kids, Norah Jones on the CD playa, 31 mpg @ 70+ MPH. Minnesota keeps the plates with the car even after it’s sold, so plates mean no in-transits and no hassles by law enforcement.  7 hours back to Omaha, more Applebee’s for dinner.  Told the kids that we went to Minneapolis to get some Minnesota Wild shirts! They were pi$$ed enough already that we went to MSP and they didn’t get to go to Mall Of America. Shucks…next time!

The Tornado Magnet…

Been chasing using either the Tempo or an 88 Ranger for the past few years.  Haven’t seen gorilla hail in the past few years, so my POS beaters have been dent-free. Naturally, since I’m now going to have a new car this season, it’ll be a record hail year!

Stream-of-Consciousness–White paper for a dark time:

So Santa Claus won the election, with 52% of the voting public drinking the koolaid. All in all, pretty close to Mitt’s baleful prophesy of 47%. That plurality will be expecting their payoff, and Barry will happily oblige by further devaluing our currency. Kinko’s can’t print Grovers fast enough to keep up with Obama, but isn’t Zimbabwe-stylee inflation really someone else’s problem?
That problem is the Right’s to clean up. Doesn’t it always fall to the grownups? The Right/GOP/Teas are called to task by a whored-out media for not compromising. Well, when you’re fed a crap sandwich and the Left’s idea of compromise is only asking you to eat half…fine, but good, honest patriots—the erstwhile Loyal Opposition– either got turned out of their offices or failed in their elections for the simple reason that they dared to disobey or question Dear Leader’s redistributionist, un-American manifesto. Failed to eat the sandwich.
The Right is hamstrung by insisting on playing by the rules and relying on voters’ good nature, common sense, their knowledge of Econ 101 and checkbook math—and their knowledge of the duties and responsibilities that Liberty asks them to respect. We all know what seventy years of collectivist indoctrination has done to the concept of personal responsibility and the social contract. Rather than admit that Progressive policies have failed, the left doubles down—with someone else’s money–while blaming those who oppose them. So here we are. Amok time, is all it is.
“Slouching to Gomorrah”? More like a Bugatti Veryon on nitrous…The behavior of this society resembles a paroxysm of hedonism, free-love 60s with no sense of conscience. Rules are for other people, I Am Therefore I Think, I’m either gullible or lazy but either way, it’s your job to fix me but don’t judge me. And hurry up. Don’t like it? Racist. Sexist. Whateverist.
Keep in mind that progressives really don’t want us to be converted. They just want us to go away. It’ll be good to actually hear them say it.
Step One: Event Horizon, or The Opposite of Gridlock.
Physics teaches us that once you reach a certain point in the gravitational pull of a black hole, you cannot escape. Applied to society or whatever the progressives call it, either society becomes dystopian to the point of irredeemability (liberalism in general), bureaucracy becomes bloated to the point where decision making becomes impossible (governmental deliberation or Benghazi), or you cannot issue debt quick enough to pay today’s bills.
All attempts to stop the headlong flight have been thwarted by the hedonists in DC. I say that the patriotic thing to do is to accelerate the arrival of the inevitable. If this be a Mad-Max breakdown of society, let’s get it over with.
The Dems want control over all three branches, let’s not cede it one election at a time, let’s give it to them all at once. Press conference where all representatives will vote ‘present’ to *every* bill the Dems introduce. Waive the quorum rules so every tally passes a bill. Alternately, if the Dems want an appropriation of $60B to study the effects of Gangnam Style on the reproductive habits of zebra danios, give them a billion.
Keep in mind that this isn’t anarchistic, it isn’t even civil disobedience. Is certainly isn’t dereliction of duty. It is the removal of the progressives’ safety net, and also of their cover of legitimacy. They broke it, we’re just stomping on the pieces. The adults have had enough.

This is the definition of patriotism—200-odd congressmen *know* that their careers are toast—but they would be anyway as society breaks down.
Next, Alito, Thomas and Scalia resign en masse from the SCOTUS. Any nihilistic case that the Left wants to bring up is affirmed by what’s left of the Court.
Then false-flag the next presidential election. The Dems put up a Berkeley socialist? The Repubs put up a person so far to the left even the ghost of Che would be ashamed. Worst thing would be a third-party candidate wins and immediately has no legislative support.
Step Two: If you can’t lick ‘em, lick ‘em.
There are several helpful government databases, developed with massive cost overruns and above-market prices, that point the end-user to all sorts of government support—grants, subsidies, aid applications, etc. It’s time for patriots to use these resources. Use big government to our advantage.
One case, each one of billions of applications are denied. Otherwise, millions of cases are either approved or sent to research or appeal. In any case, government crashes under the weight of…the legitimate access of government resources. Who decides what is legitimate? Who does now? Oh yeah, progressives, social engineers, power junkies, bureaucrats.
Summation: Societies don’t come back from the brink. The Roman Empire is the best, most known, but not the only example. Some collapse from without, but the preponderance from within.
Writ large, we should play by the same rules that have been used against conservatives. Until it hurts Liberalism. Until they cry uncle and plead for help from the adults.

2007: Hattiesburg, MS.

During my Gulf Coast vacation that year, Wifey and I pulled in to Hattiesburg for dinner, Outback.  She asks for a Wallaby Darned.

“Sorry, we’re all out of the mix!” our wait staff replied.  (Up until that point, I didn’t know you needed a mix…)

Wifey asks for a tall glass of Vodka, short glass of peach nectar, and ice.  Puzzled waitstaff looked on as Wifey mixed it up and took a slug.  “Just like home!”

It was a lot of vodka.  I tipped well and let them clean off the table early, because, “There’ll be some table dancing later on, whether this establishment permits it or not!”  and “We’ll name the baby after you if it’s a girl!”

 

__

 

An hour later, a typical Mississippi summer gulf thunderstorm popped up.  Yeah, I’m a stormchaser, but I can honestly say that this was one of the top ten gullywashers I’ve ever seen.  The parking lot of the Baskin-Robins was flooded, had to wait in the car for a time until we could get in to the hotel…turned on the Jackson 10 PM News and they spent thirty seconds during the weather on the ‘scattered showers’…

The Trees Don’t Grow in Auburn…

One for my RUSH and RSFC plas. Wonder what Neil Peart thinks of Armoured American Wankball?

There’s unrest on Toomer’s Corner,
There is trouble with the trees,
One Bammer wanted more sunlight,
AuNecks ignored his pleas.

The trouble with Harvey Updyke,
(The police are convinced he’s a dick)
He says Auburn acts too lofty
And they grab up all the chicks.
But Auburn can’t help their feelings
If they like trophies and cheers.
And they wonder why that Bammer
Can’t be happy with last year’s.

There is trouble on the Plains,
Musberger and Lundquist both have fled,
As the Bammer slurs “Rammer Jammer”
And AuNecks just shake their heads.

So this Bammer bought Tebuthiuron
And committed herbicide.
“AuNecks are just too greedy;
“Yea, Alabama! Drown ’em Tide!”
Now there are no more oaks in Auburn,
Updyke is down by law,
AU and Tide are all kept equal
By Gators, ‘Cocks, and Dawgs.